I think that the one of the worst parts of being alive in a middle class society, in a developed world, is the constant tug-of-war between the different people you yourself are or want to be. Once your other needs, those of food and shelter, health and companionship, are met, you realize your dual status as both the most and least significant thing on the planet.

If you are anything like me, then you understand the almost neverending internal debate between these forces. You want to do something significant with your existence. You want to impact society. You want to change things. You want to be noticed. However, you also want to live your life. You want to experience things. You want to learn things. You want to change things in yourself.

It seems as though there are a million different ways to accomplish either of these things, but very few to accomplish it all in one lifetime.

I went to law school because I wanted to be involved with public policy. I wanted to be a part of the debate; I wanted to be a part of history. Instead I found that being an attorney mostly just means you’re a cog in the machine. So I decided I wanted to be a college professor. I still do. But that dream requires a lot. The cost and time of an additional degree – assuming I’d even get in to a PhD program or finish one. Then the reality that I’d probably have to live somewhere I’d rather not be. I’m guessing professorships at schools on the West Coast are hard to come by for new professors. This is a problem for me because I don’t really want to live anywhere else.

So.

I’ve realized also that I spend a lot of time feeling sorry for myself. Poor, poor me. When in fact I have very few actual reasons to feel sorry for myself. I am alive at a good time and in a good place. I have a job. I have a good family. Yet, I continue to wallow in my chief life disappointment: that I am not, at this point, making a huge impact on society.

This was, and is, incredibly narcissistic and selfish. Who am I to presume that I must have some hand in the world’s affairs at large? That I have to be recognized for a major impact and change to the world? I realized that life isn’t about being on the covers of Time or being the person to change the system. It’s about little things. It’s about learning and discovering for yourself, but then passing those experiences on to others so that they may too learn and discover. Little things can make big impacts because little things cause ripple effects. And everyone can do little things. Not many can do big things.