We get it. You are a big state, you have a lot of people, and you may or may not be blessed by a higher power. You’re independent, you don’t like to be pushed around, and many of your residents identify themselves as “Texans” first, Americans second. We get it. You’re awesome. You have a hip capital city, a sweet music festival, and Dillon High School football. You have three NBA basketball teams, King of the Hill, and the Alamo. You have big hair and speak with a long, slow drawl. Clearly you are superior.
So, Texas, if you want to, go for it. You know what we’re talking about. Now, yes your governor never said anything specific about Texas seceding from the United States, but we know you’re all thinking it. So – do it.
You can do all sorts of wonderful things in the Republic of Texas. You can limit all the civil liberties you want, abolish all government-funded social programs, teach religion in school, eliminate income taxes, eliminate barriers to buying guns, build walls along your borders, stockpile weapons, privatize education and health care and social security, invade Oklahoma, conduct private enterprise unregulated – whatever it is you want to do, you can do it in the Republic of Texas. Think of all the free time you’ll have when you don’t have to go to all those tea bagging parties anymore.
But if you want to trade with us, well, sorry. And we’d like our corporate branches, federal agency offices, banks, and anything else we paid for back. And when you find yourself ill-equipped to provide for your out-of-work citizenry, do not send them to us. They can pull themselves up by their bootstraps, literally.
So, Good Luck and thanks again for the first season of Friday Night Lights. The other seasons weren’t as good, but that’s okay.
Oh, and go Portland Trail Blazers.
Sincerely,
The Other 49 States (& Washington DC)
PS. THANKS again for George W. Bush.
Cantastically Speaking 